What is love, What is life?

Tree, Leaf and Wind


Tree
===

The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Over time I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting.
I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal.
I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness.
Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not
going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a
good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I
felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years.She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so.
My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that
will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted
at her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings
and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laugh & joke
with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.
When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going
out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me
that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know whose the guy.
He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of
energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.
I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate
her. When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too.
During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf
departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

Leaf
===

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that
for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a
lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st
girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths.
When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal.I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?
Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany
him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years.
Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me.
Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a
point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leaf to a far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay


Wind
===

Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree
so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first
met her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite
person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled &accept the note. The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left.
Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away
It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave
tree.
I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me.
Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I
decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her
over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.
Hoping that she will agree to me my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears.
"I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her door bell. During the moment when she opens the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

The Apple Tree

Take some time to read this. It is very meaningful
A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little
boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the tree top, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow... He oved the tree and the tree loved to play with him.

Time went by... the little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree everyday.

One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked
sad. "Come and play with me," the tree asked the boy. "I am no longer a kid, I don't play around trees anymore." The boy replied, "I want toys. I need money to buy
them." "Sorry, but I don't have money... but you can pick all my
apples and sell them. So, you will have money." The boy was so excited. He
grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily.
The boy never
came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy returned and the tree was so excited.
"Come and play with me" the tree said. "I don't have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?" "Sorry, but I don't have a house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house."
So the boy cut all the branches of the tree and left
happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the boy returned and the tree was
delighted.
"Come and play with me!" the tree said.
"I am sad and getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?"
"Use my truck to build your boat. You can sail far away
and be happy." So the boy cut the tree truck to make a
boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.

Finally, the boy returned after he left for so many
years. "Sorry, my boy. But I don't have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you... "the
tree said.
"I don't have teeth to bite" the boy replied.
"No more trunk for you to climb on"
"I am too old for that now" the boy said.
"I really can't give you anything ... the only thing left is my
dying roots" the tree said with tears.
"I don't need much now, just a place to rest. I am
tired after all these years."
The boy replied. "Good! Old tree roots is the best place to lean on and rest. Come, Come sit down with me and
rest."

The boy sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears.......
This is a story of everyone. The tree is our parent.
When we were young,
we loved to play with Mom and Dad...When we grown up,
we left them...
only came to them when we need something or when we are in
trouble. No matter what, parents will always be there and give everything
they could to make you happy.

Lilies Of The Field

This message is from a commencement speech made by a Pulitzer
Prize-winning author, Anna Quindlen, at Villanova University.


Lilies Of The Field
-- By Anna Quindlen


I'm a novelist. My work is human nature. Real life is all I know. Don't ever confuse the two, your life and your work.

You will walk out of here this afternoon with only one thing that no one else has. There will be hundreds of people out there with your same degree; there will be thousands of people doing what you want to do for a living. But you will be the only person alive who has sole custody of your life.

Your particular life. Your entire life. Not just your life at a desk, or your life on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of your mind, but the life of your heart. Not just your bank account but your soul.

People don't talk about the soul very much anymore. It's so much easier to write a resume than to craft a spirit. But a resume is a cold comfort on a winter night, or when you're sad, or broke, or lonely, or when you've gotten back the test results and they're not so good.

Here is my resume: I am a good mother to three children. I have tried never to let my profession stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the center of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh. I am a good friend to my husband. I have tried to make marriage vows mean what they say.

I am a good friend to my friends, and they to me. Without them, there would be nothing to say to you today, because I would be a cardboard cutout. But I call them on the phone, and I meet them for lunch. I would be rotten, or at best mediocre at my job, if those other things were not true. You cannot be really first rate at your work if your work is all you are.

So here's what I wanted to tell you today: Get a life. A real life, not a manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house.

Do you think you'd care so very much about those things if you blew an aneurysm one afternoon, or found a lump in your breast? Get a life in which you notice the smell of salt water pushing itself on a breeze over Seaside Heights, a life in which you stop and watch how a red tailed hawk circles over the water or the way a baby scowls with concentration when she tries to pick up a Cheerio with her thumb and first finger. Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Pick up the phone. Send an e-mail. Write a letter.

Get a life in which you are generous. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around. Take money you would have spent on beers and give it to charity. Work in a soup kitchen. Be a big brother or sister.

All of you want to do well. But if you do not do good too, then doing well will never be enough.

It is so easy to waste our lives, our days, our hours, our minutes. It is so easy to take for granted the color of our kids' eyes, the way the melody in a symphony rises and falls and disappears and rises again.

It is so easy to exist instead of to live. I learned to live many years ago. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get.

I learned to look at all the good in the world and try to give some of it back because I believed in it, completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this:

Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby's ear. Read in the backyard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness, because if you do, you will live it with joy and passion as it ought to be lived.

You think your day is bad??

* The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon
Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony,
two of the most expensively saved animals were released back
into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute
later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

* A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to
a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his
reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her with
an axe leaving her mentally retarded.

* A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking
frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the
deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the
back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he
had been happily listening to his Walkman.

* Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of
sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the
pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence
and stampeded, trampling the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally. . . . . . .

* Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a
letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Your day's not so bad, is it?

Source: A friend's blog.

Only Love

A YEAR AGO today, I had lunch with my boyfriend
and took the opportunity to complain to him.
"Today is Valentine's Day. Why didn't you give
me
any flowers?"
He raised his eyebrow.
"Why should I give you flowers? You are not my
anyone."

"Then... you should at least give me a card!" I
pouted my lips, hurt by his
tone.
"I know, I know. After lunch, I'll send you an e-
card."
"E-card??"
That sounds so impersonal, but that's the way he
is.
"You have to e-mail it to me. I'll be waiting."
I
excitedly smiled and ran
to sneak home after lunch to check e-mail. Even
though he wouldn't use any
romantic words, I still looked forward to the
card.

"I'm going back to work. Hurry and send me the
card!"
As soon as I walked in my door, I turned on my
computer and got online.
Staring at the empty inbox, I began to reminisce
about how we met. Maybe no
one will believe me, but my boyfriend and I were
actually neighbors. Our
homes were only 1 wall away. Ever since we were
kids, we liked to fight with
each other all day long. We were only neighbors.
At that time, I hated my
parents for making us live next to him.

At that time, I had a crush on a senior. After a
while, I found out that the
senior student had lots of girlfriends. When I
cried about it, he silently
passed me a handkerchief and awkwardly held me
in
his arms.

"I told you he wasn't any good." He roughly
comforted me.
I cried in his arms the whole night, and began
to
see him in a different
way. Things began to change between us. We still
fought all the time, but he
started to look at me differently. And I blushed
and my heart beat faster
when he was near.

We both knew: we fell in love with each other.

Even with this knowledge, neither of us said
anything. Even though we would
not be able to resist and kissed each other
constantly. Even though we cared
about each other's every moves. Both of us
refused to admit our love.

Alright, we became lovers, but we still wouldn't
say we loved each other. We
didn't even spend Valentine's Day together until
he saw me share dinner with
a man one Valentine's Day. That night, he waited
for me in front of my door
and said that he would take me out to dinner on
Valentine's Day from then
on. I have to say that he was very arrogant. But
I nodded and accepted his
request. Since then, we spent every Valentine's
Day together. On the
surface, we may have left each other. But in
reality, we were still
together. We spent every Valentine's Day
together
but each year became more
dreary than the next because he never told me he
loved me even with all my
hints.

Still facing the empty inbox, I suddenly grew
very angry. He wouldn't say it
and wouldn't send me a card. What did he mean?
Who did he think I was? I
called his cell phone.

"Hello." He picked up the phone.

"I didn't receive the card." I immediately
showed
my displeasure.

"You didn't receive it?" He seemed really busy.
"But I sent it." He was really busy but I didn't
care.

"I didn't receive it. Send it again."

"Okay, I'll send you 100 times. Is that good
enough??" He said with
impatience. His tone further infuriated me. Is
that how lovers speak to
each other?

"Don't bother sending it to me. And you don't
have to pick me up tonight.
I'll eat dinner by myself."

"Don't be childish, ok? I'm really busy."

"I AM childish!" I hung up the phone and tears
rolled down my cheeks.

Childish?? Why didn't he consider the situation?
We've gone out for so many
years and spent countless Valentine's Day
together. I never received any
flowers nor cards from him. Now, I just want a
little e-card. Is that too
much to ask for?? I unplugged the phone from the
wall and turned off my cell
phone. I didn't want to hear his explanations.

After I returned to the hospital, I instructed
the receptionist not to
forward me any phone calls. I wanted to
concentrate on work. Because there
were so many emergencies today, I was sweating 1
hour later and forgot about
our argument.

"Dr. Shu, please take a look at that patient."
As I was collecting my equipment, the shrill
sound of an ambulance sounded
outside the ER. When I stepped out the door, the
emergency medics hurriedly
wheeled in a gurney.

"What happened to him?" I asked the 1st medic.
Everyone else were trying to help put the
patient
on the gurney. He was
covered with blood.

"Car accident." The medic replied.
"Very serious. He may die." I nodded and ran to
the operating room with
them.
When I arrived, the nurses told me that the man
had already stopped
breathing and also his heartbeat also stopped.

"Prepare for shock." I calmly instructed the
nurses.
Saving people is our duty. We can't and
shouldn't
lose our calm.

But when I saw who laid on the operating table,
I
lost my calm. That person
was my BOYFRIEND!

"NO..." I stood in shock.

"NO!!!" I grabbed the paddles and continuously
shocked his body.
His body bounced up and down from the shocks.
The
scared nurses went to find
another doctor, to tell him that I was crazy.

I didn't know if I was crazy or not. I just
wanted to save my lover. Even
though we fought all the time. Even though he
never showed me his love. I
still wanted to save him. He still owed me a
card. He couldn't die! I threw
away the paddles and began to press on his
heart.
I pressed with all my
strength, hoping it would revive him, but he
didn't wake up. He didn't even
say "It hurts". He just laid there with his eyes
closed, punishing me with
his silence.

Dr. Jian angrily pushed me away. By that time, I
couldn't see clearly
anymore. I cried. I wailed. I bowled until no
sounds could come out of my
mouth.

"It's too late, Dr. Shu. He's already dead. I'm
sorry." Dr. Jian patted me
on the shoulder.
They knew each other and ate together once. I
introduced them.

"He can't die." I shook my head.
"He can't die!!" I struggled to run to him.
"Dr. SHU, control yourself!" Dr. Jian slapped
me.
"I understand what you're going through, but
you're a doctor."

"Yes, I'm a doctor, but I'm also a regular
person. How can Dr. Jian
understand how I feel? I've loved him for so
many
years that it's become a
habit. How can I just throw away a habit?
Besides, he still owed me a card.

"I want him to live! I want him to live!" I ran
to him again and tried to
knock the life back into his body.

"Take her away!"
That day, I lost my control and my
professionalism. And that day happened to
be Valentine's Day.

Afterwards, I asked his co-workers why he left
work early that day. They
told me that after I hung up the phone, he tried
to call me several times
but couldn't reach me. Worried, he drove to the
hospital to find me and got
hit by a large truck on the way.

When I heard this, I froze. My tantrum killed
him. Just because of an
unmailed card, he died. After that, I lost my
privilege to be childish. Like
an abandoned cat, I couldn't even cry anymore.

After his death, I couldn't cry anymore,
regardless of how touching the plot
or how tear-jerking the dialogue. They didn't
affect me anymore.

I turned on computer after a year later, even
though I know no one will send
me a mail, I still hoped that someone will
remember me on this day.

GOSH....I have.... 100 emails! Who would be
bored
enough to send me 100
junk mail? I was just about to delete them all
when I received another mail,
and this one said: "Because of system error, we
could not send these until
today. We apologize for the delay."

The sender was my BOYFRIEND!!! I looked at the
1st mail. It showed the send
date is last year's Valentine's Day. My heart
began to beat fast. Could he
have sent these? With a trembling hand, I opened
the mail.

The first thing that popped up was a gorgeous
red
rose set against green
leaves. Then a beautiful melody began to
play...."Only Love". I couldn't
believe it. The rose was so beautiful and the
music was so dreamy.

I almost thought I was in a fantasy. Most
touching of all were the words
underneath the rose, because the words read like
a beautiful poem.

"Only love can make a memory. Only love can make
a moment last.
You were there and all the world was young and
all it's songs unsung.
And I remember you then when love was all, all
you were living for,
and how you gave that love to me...."

The lyrics of this song fits our love so
closely.
When he was alive, my
world was so young. Every day, I could find a
something different to fight
with him about. But after he left, my life is
only left with memories and
coldness that will never go away. When I read
these words, my tears
unconsciously came, wetting the keyboard. I
replied 100 times, and "Only
Love" played 100 times.

In this cold Valentine's night, the line that's
been broken for LAST ONE
YEAR finally got RECONNECTED.

Moral of the story :
====================
Try to express out your feeling towards each
other so that both know what u
are thinking!!



Only Love~